As a Los Angelino should, I love the Dodgers, I love smog, and I eat In out Out regularly. I feel inclined to set one thing straight, however. I am a certified Laker hater. I hate the team, despise their players, can’t tolerate their fans, and I know they will lose the NBA Finals. The Lakers are terrible. And to prove that the Lakers are in fact terrible, and that I am not speaking out of my ass, I would like to break down this assessment for you(just like Paul Pierce is breaking down the Lakers’ defense hoho!).

Reason #1: Kobe Bryant

Kobe Bryant is poison. He has shown time and time again that he can’t win when it counts. I am not counting the times when Shaq was there to bail him out. Sure, he’s a great individual player, but when it really comes down to the wire thats all he is. This has become more than obvious in the finals. When the going gets tough, Kobe Bryant gives up on his teammates and disaster results. Anyone recall that disastrous 9-26 performance he put up in game 1 of the finals? Even beyond his obvious lack of leadership, how about the off court issues he brings to the team. Before this season he was trashing his own teammates and asking to be traded. Now he’s buying them $10,000 watches to thank them. What a two face. Kobe Bryant is a competitor, but a winner? I think not(once again, exclude the Shaq championships).

!! Bonus Suck !! : Kobe Bryant sucks because the only teammate he could get to be in his commercial was Ronnie Turiaf.

Reason #2: The Fans

Laker fans comprise the biggest group of bandwagoners in the world. How can you love a guy that wanted to leave your team no more than a year ago?(see reason #1) Laker fans, in my experience, also tend to be completely incompetent about the sport of basketball. All that they know is they live in Los Angeles, and these guys are doing well. Other than that the most insightful thing I’ve ever heard from a Laker fan is, “damn..Kobe’s the fucking man holmes”. Most Laker fans are only fans when the going is good. If you live in LA, you know that you inevitably will see one of these come playoffs:

Oh the dreaded Laker car flag. You will only see these up during the playoffs. Suddenly everyone loves the Lakers. I honestly, have never seen a car drive around with one of these in their windows before the Shaq Dynasty in LA. Laker fans are fakers.

Reason #3

Not even the Clippers wanted him.

P.S. I love LA( SEE “I make kids cry” post)

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I love the Los Angeles Dodgers. So much that I make kids cry. I went to the Dodgers vs. Cubs today. I sat in the all you can eat section(unfortunately I recently made a decision to go vegetarian for month…sooooo all I could eat was nachos). I grew tired of them after about 13 chips. Anyhow, the Dodgers were getting murdered so I decided to leave early. As I was leaving a kid, shall we say 7 years of age, was walking back to his seat in a Cubs jersey. He looked at me as I walked by him. I stared straight into his eyes and said “the Cubs suck.” What a jerk.

Anyhow, I also decided to clean up my room and put some before and after pictures up. Check it out.

Before:

After:


I need a new computer desk. Also, I suck at taking pictures. Someone teach me how to take better ones.


what the….

07Jun08

So I just saw this brilliant new piece of advertisement from my favorite burger stand. All I could think was…wouldn’t an egg rather become a chicken?

PS. That’s not the actual advertisement.

P.PS. I’m an amazing artist.


So I think I’m dying. I got stung by a stingray last weekend while camping at San Onofre State Beach. That thing bled like no other and was pretty sore for about a a day or two. The wound isn’t very impressive, but I think the venom’s killing me.

So I was told by the lifeguards that the venom can’t survive in temperatures above 115 degrees…so naturally we boiled my foot for about an hour. I thought all was well, but the past few days I’ve been feeling dizzy and having headaches. It might just be my imagination but I feel like my entire left side of my body is going limp. HMMM. The venom is still alive! I could probably just go to the hospital but that seems like a lot of work.

Anyways, I’m pretty sure this is what that fucker looked like. Devious little devil. Fuck a stingray.


Hello World.

06Jun08

So I’ve decided to start writing stuff, so maybe I can look back someday and say, “hey cool I know what I was thinking back then.” One thing I’ve been meaning to do is write about my recent excursion across the Atlantic. However, seeing as I’m not quite the wordsmith I hope to one day be, I’ve decided to leave pictures with some witty captions. Enjoy.

Leiden, Netherlands. A small college town connected by a series of channels and canals. This was perhaps the most incredible place to drink on the entire trip. At one bar a local girl told us filthy Americans to “GO HOME!” amazing. I discovered that I love women and beer from Holland.

We found ourselves lucky enough to be in the scenic town of Leiden on day when it was snowing. So naturally I gathered all the snow I could find and launched it Ali Haeri, and he captured it perfectly, it also hit him.

Berlin was amazing. Literally it was like LA after a technological revolution. They had free internet booths on the streets…which we didn’t realize until after paying for internet at dunkin’ donuts. We went to the biggest club I’ve ever been to in my life, and ate incredible meat and sausage. I love Berlin. Beer was good too.

Also, Ali decided to show Berlin how much we love the USA, there are good 5 or 6 of these throughout Europe.

Because we’re cool and cheap we traveled by train. This is what I spent pretty much every hour on the train doing. Best train moment: Leaving Amsterdam, entering Germany, German Police enter the train…ask me “Have you smoked any drugs or brought any drugs into the country with you…”. After questioning I immediately dumped my blunt case into the trash in the bathroom.

This is what they thought of me sleeping all the time.

Paris. The “Arc De Triumph”. So about after about 30 minutes of wandering through France we stumbled upon this brilliant thing. We thought it was the Arc de Triomphe, but turns out it was just a regular ass street. As my friend Ali so wonderfully put it “it’s like baldwin avenue for them.”

We had to do the tourist thing and visit the Louvre. It was cool. We saw the Mona Lisa. Like typical Americans we stayed only an hour…we actually spent more time at pizza hut that day than at the Louvre.

I didn’t add a picture of the Eiffel Tower itself, because everyone’s seen it. How many cool guys have a blurry ass picture of themselves at the top of the tower? Haha, we didn’t even ask the guy to take another one.

Notre Dame. Went in, prayed looked around. Pretty cool.

This was taken in front of the local Church in Paris. Yeah they do it real big there as Ali would say. I took this same picture in about 4 different countries.

I thought this picture pretty much summed up my trip. We drank every night, had no worries, and it was great. Paris was my favorite city of all. Ironically enough, the friendliest human beings we met were in Paris. So fuck all that French people are rude stuff. There are some cool ass people there. I can’t wait to go back.

In summation, I lost my camera in Europe, so I must credit the legend himself Ali “rides girls bikes” Haeri, for all the pictures. However! A hostel I stayed at has my camera and are currently sending it back to me. So I will update with the lost part of my journey when i receive it.